I suppose I should update you.
Not feeling particularly in a “wordy” writing kind of mood. After all I do have a paper to finish this weekend so most of my effort will be put into that.
SO to sum some things up (and I totally hate myself because I know this whole entry is going to end up being a lot longer than I think it will) this last week has been pretty awesome. I had a pretty shitty night on Tuesday (headache, couldn’t sleep, intense nausea) but it made sense because I woke up on wednesday with my monthly gift. I wasn’t going to go to class because I felt like utter and complete crap but I decided that I should and thankfully when I got there my headache started to diminish (which confirms my period theory). When I got to English my headache had pretty much completely gone (although the lack of sleep from the night before left me exhausted) SO exhausted to the point where I realized we were getting our paper 3’s back. I was so unsure of my paper 3. Parts of my argument seemed pretty ambiguous (at least to me) so I was pretty sure I’d end up with a B plus at best but I ended up pulling it off with an A- :). So i’m looking at my paper and on the top of it my instructor had written *see me after class for some good news, so immediately I was thinking wtf? So class ends and I go up and I know I probably never wrote about this one here but he had nominated one of my essays for the ENC 1102 “essay contest award thing” for freshmen writing. Well they picked mine 😀 It won! I mean my enthusiasm was pretty contained (my boyfriend was making a bigger deal about it then I was) but it really brightened my day considerably being as I woke up feeling like death. In any case, i’m going to be receiving a letter from the head of the English department and there is also going to be some kind of scholarship money (the amount has not yet been released- lol) in my student account :]. So yay for my writing in this instance.
Speaking of writing, I have chosen to stick with my English major. Although next semester I still have several freshman requirement classes to fill, I got advised towards my English major for the first time. I’m going to be taking spanish -gag- it’s a requirement (flashbacks to sophomore and junior year of high school here I come) and life science (I needed a science with lab) and Interpretation of Fiction (GRW requirement) , some linguistics class? to fill some..I don’t know some other requirement?, and that’s it! Notice anything? NO MATH. NO MATH. NO MATH . I AM DONE (hopefully) WITH MATH FOR THE ENTIRE REST OF MY EXISTENCE.
bueno.
side notes:
my skin has been getting so much better ( I have a draft post alllll about my skin that I have yet to finish and publish but when I do I will).
I have successfully gone to the gym three times a week (wednesday thursday friday) or some variation of that for over a month now! I am extremely proud of myself and I love it. I am really glad that i’ve begun to take advantage of some of the things attending a university has to offer me (besides the shitty math professors). I mostly do treadmill and elliptical but i’m looking into eventually trying some of the weight machines (with Ash’s guidance of course, I don’t want to hurt myself). I ran my first mile at 6.0 mph today :). I’ve worked my way up from 4.9 and it may sound lame but i’m really proud and it’s a really empowering feeling to continuously improve. Their showers aren’t bad at all either! (tried them for the first time today). considering buying a locker. It’s so much easier to just shower there after all.
OH and speaking of the gym. I have recently applied to work there. It’s such a great atmosphere and I really believe in what the recreation center promotes to everyone that attends the university so I think it’d be a great job experience. I’m not set on quitting serving (the money is good) but being as it’s off season a second job would be helpful and because the gym is right on campus I wouldn’t have any problem holding it as a job in fall either. It would integrate with my schedule too well to really interfere with anything. At least as I see it.
So keeping my fingers crossed for a call back and a positive interview :].
Let’s see what else..
oh yeah depression time.
Ash and I have been having a tough time lately. He’s got a lot to deal with and school is stressing him out to the max, so I understand but I feel like he really doesn’t want to communicate about much anymore. I dunno, I feel like he’s shutting me out of a lot and it really bothers me. it’s like c’mon i’ve been dating you for almost 11 months now. Wow that’s almost a year. I mean almost a year and I feel like we’re regressing in our communication skills right now rather than improving. Tonight we’re supposed to spend some alone time together (without books, essays, computers, or other distractions- besides pizza) and i’m really hoping that maybe we can talk things out. I know that he doesn’t like telling me everything and that it’s very hard for him to be open with me- and I don’t expect him to tell me everything. It’s just that obviously when our relationship seems “strained” for communication, you’re not telling me enough and we need to fix it. I don’t like being in this weird funk with him. I love him and he makes me happy, I just want him back to how he actually is :/. In all honesty I think what we both need is summer vacation. Can’t come soon enough.
oh and my car semi crapped out on me this week. I know that I don’t drive it as much as I should (this will no longer be an issue as I plan to take it out as frequently as possible starting. now.) but it had a bad sensor which messed up the computer which controls the transmission (i’m using uneducated car user language here for sure) and basically it made it so my car wouldn’t really go above 40 mph or shift beyond third gear. Luckily because I am fortunate enough to have a father whom works in the auto business, he “hooked it up” and I was able to fix it for under sixty dollars. The sensor has been replaced and i’m hoping that that will be the last of it for awhile. I love my car and it’s been good to me so I should really be better towards it. That’s my mid April resolution. be better to my car. awesome right?
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I guess back to the positives (wow i’m actually focusing on the positives for once in a blog entry).
I’ve brought my statistics grade up a significant amount and am confident that I can do well on the next two tests
my blackberry (no jinx!!!!!) has been worki
ng out great and I LOVVVEEE IT. oh god it keeps me in touch with everything. Its push functions are a life saver when it comes to teachers canceling classes and office hours last minute (cough english cough) and it’s just awesome! Wish I actually knew people with blackberrys so I could take advantage of the bbm feature but maybe one day hahaha.
OTHERWISE like I said this turned into a ridiculously long clusterfuck, Ash just told me he’s on his way here (and I am nowhere near ready so WIN) and now PICTURE TIME BYE.
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So much to the point where I feel that I need to write it down bc I think that it symbolizes a lot in my life right now.
So it began (I think bc the beginning parts of it are spotty) with Ash and I being at the condo and then his mom called so we had to go to our own homes. Then I’m at home and I’m drinking glass after glass of ice water. Like I can’t stop I just keep drinking and I’m in my room and there are papers everywhere and one of those water dispensing coolers behind my bed. So then I start looking for my mom and I find her in this bed that’s suddenly in my room (or maybe it was the hallway) and at first I thought she was dead but then she got up and started talking to me about the water. Then I kept noticing stuff that looked like money in my room but if I went to pick it up it was monopoly money. Then all of a sudden I realized that shit I left all of my stuff at the condo and that I need it for school and just in general so Ash and I are gonna have to go back. So I go to get my phone and realize its been off so I turn it on and he’s already called and he’s like “oh thank god you called we have to go get your stuff”. So next thing I know I’m in my car taking the back way to university and its stormy and dark and its at night (the whole dream was taking place at night time) and I’m on the phone with Ash still and I realize my glasses are off and that I’m not really paying attention to driving. So anyways I put my phone down and put my glasses on (bc everything on the road was becoming blurry figures and I kept going faster) and then I put the phone back up to my ear but then realized that I had no control over my car and that I was about to crash. So all of a sudden I fall onto a side road ditch. And I say onto not into bc I didn’t fall into the actual ditch but the platform above it- and now I’m on a bike. So I fell of a bike (not the car I was driving) onto this ditch thing and began saying something along the lines of ” I have no control” and in the background my boyfriend was still on the phone and he was saying that it sounds like I’m being a control freak. So in the meantime the shaky feeling that I had back in the “car”? Its still there and it’s getting worse to the point where I’m trembling and all parts of my body are shaking and it feels like it would be almost seizure like. So now it feels like the earth is shaking and in the mean time I’m picking myself up and getting my school bag and my purse (and my school bag was SO heavy) and I’m telling myself that I’ve dealt with worse and that I can make it to school so I start to walk up this giant hill/road thing with my bag while everything is still shaking like mad.
And then I woke up with my heart pounding afraid to move bc I didn’t want to start shaking. 😦
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frustrating!
So looks like I’m going to actually have to take my blackberry back to tmobile and exchange it for real this time. I was browsing the web on it a little bit ago and noticed that my $ key seemed to be making an odd clicking noise that it hadn’t ever made before. So after pressing it a few more times thinking I had a defective key I soon realized that this was not all the case. I’m not sure if you know what I’m talking about exactly (unless you’ve seen it before or you have the bold 9700) but the silvery/metalish looking strips that separate each row of keys? Well the bottom most strip on my keyboard some how is now cracked. Now you can ask anyone who knows me ( ash would probably be the best reference ) to tell you how freaking anal and ocd I am when it comes to my electronic devices. As soon as I got this thing I immediately purchased a skin for it, a screen protector (which I’m hoping I’ll be able to transfer when I do the exchange), and to top it off when I’m not using it its in a pouch that I carry it in always. I’ve never dropped the thing, I don’t abuse it so honestly I feel like-what gives? I hate to take the ” why me” approach because I know there are so many bigger problems, not only in my life but in everyone elses lives and in the world but I’m sure that everyone can agree with me when I say that the little frustrations can really get you down. Anyways, that’s the end of my petty rant. I don’t want to type anymore bc of the clicking and I have stuff to take care of. Blah. Oh but but I’ve been to the gym three times a week for the past two weeks and I’m very proud of myself over it. Lol. Okay byee
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my spring break
So there’s much to update on. This past week has been my spring break and now that it’s almost to a close I figured I’d recap most of it.
The first half of the week was shitty and pretty much just “unfinished business” related. My boyfriends best friend needed his car shipped up to his military base and we had a lot of issues with timing and the driver and even managing to get the damn car on the tow truck (its a really low car). Finally though, on I think tuesday? It was all taken care of and we could all breathe easier about stuff for the most part. That same day we went.. Well attempted to go visit our old high school teachers with our friends visiting from uni. That failed when we realized that due to new policy and administration, our school basically blows now and doesn’t allow alumni to visit. Cool.
So then thursday I had jury duty! My boyfriend was awesome enough to come with me (as it was an unfamiliar area) and so we embarked on our awesomee adventure around 5 am as I had to be there before eight. I basically sat in a room all day watching various movies and I was in the last group of jurors to be called which sucked cause I would’ve much rather been excused in the beginning of the day than at the end-but that’s life. Kinda bummed I couldn’t serve though due to school, believe it or not. I actually think it would’ve been really fascinating to sit in a murder trial. Oh well there’s always like 3 years from now? Or whenever else I get the glorious notification in the mail.
So this brings us to the current. I am currently running on maybe five hours of sleep? And attempting to take care of my hung over boyfriend 
( I feel so bad he looks awful and I’ve never been hung over so I can’t relate). We’re in a parking garage because people are checking out his moms place ( they’ve been trying to sell it for awhile now) and due to the fact that he’s hung over I’m to understand that dark is good right now, so what better place? What all of this means is that we finally had an awesome time with our friends last night. Probably the best since high school. Things have never really felt the same and last night they did and it was pretty awesome. I, the designated driver, drove everyone to taco bell ( popular demand of the night ) and they were hilarious. We went around the drive thru three times in a row bc everyone had different methods of payment- lol it was so juvenile. But yeah, it was really nice being with all of them again-nice to have friends in general. My boyfriend had too much fun apparently, but good for him. I never drink so I don’t know what its like ( its due to my phobia of throwing up really) … ( Oh and I hate the taste of alcohol?) But I have on occasion been like, ” wow looks like they’re having fun, maybe I’ll never know what it’s like”, but that thought hasn’t seemed to bother me to the point where I’ve taken up drinking yet so we’ll just see lol ( it’s a no). 🙂 Anyways, I’m really hoping that they’re done looking at the place soon cause my guy needs sleep, food, and quiet. Parking garages are great and everything but I’ve become pretty clammy. I will attempt to update later this week but as for right now it’s adios. I think my blackberry has suffered enough typing for one day
Edit: I hate this ” spring forward ” thing arghh. Anyways: post needs picture
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today has been kind of a drag…
Lots of unfinished business that the boyfriend had to take care of and I’ve spent much of today sitting in an evolution. If you don’t know what that’s like its not too pleasant. Attempted to have chipotle for lunch today and failed miserably (burritos and I don’t exactly mix…along with most mexican food for that matter). So anywho now I’m at home and after a pbj I’m feeling a bit better. My awesome mom is making ash and I juice (my mom received a juicer for xmas and abuses it around this time everyday) so we’re sticking around for juice and then we both have some money to deposit so hopefully we’ll make it to the bank before it closes. Oh and the blackberry issue? Turns out that tmobiles 3G network is having temporary “issues” bc when I went into the store the guy immediately informed me that my phone is fine and that for it to work I’d simply need to switch it back to edge. So moral of my story: tech support (yes after five calls with them) knows nothing and it’s actually very sad. Now I’m just waiting on the 3G to come back so I can have my bb at max speed :). Anyways, its juice time. Byeee
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SO that lasted
for a good four hours. kind of.
guess who’s going to Tmobile tonight to exchange her blackberry after five times on the phone with Tmobile tech support in one week and after partaking in every single troubleshooting activity possible?
the best part? i’m not even getting phone calls or texts.
oh and I got called out of work tonight because he put too many people on the schedule and I was only covering anyways.
ah well. I guess it all works out. Will update later on my phone ~maddness
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Pizza,wings, and zombie land with ash. I’m now on spring break 🙂 yeah
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So I splurged and…
bought a crackberry blackberry.
The Bold to be precise :). I was eligible for an upgrade and being completely honest, the phone I had prior to the berry wasn’t all that bad. I had the T-mobile shadow and it was your typical entry level “smart phone” but to be honest, the windows operating system on it was rathe
r laggy, causing things to freeze up when say picking up a call, turning on the phone, and sending messages (specifically picture ones). SO after realizing that an iPhone (at a 90 dollar a month MINIMUM plan) was just not reasonable for someone of my income and after shopping around for other smartphones, I decided to stick with T-mobile. I’ve always had a thing for blackberrys but have just never been able to prior afford the data plan, as back when I worked as a “phone girl”, my income wasn’t that much. So after shelling out around 170$ at the store for phone, upgrade fee, and case combined AND an additional 13$ on a screen protector -sigh- she’s complete and protected and i’m pretty happy with her. The only thing i’m still waiting on is for the data plan to activate (which they said can take up to 48 hours and it’s going to be 48 hours in a few hours so they’ll be getting a call from me if it’s not on by then lol) so that has been a bit frustrating but it’ll be worth it- when it works. 🙂
As for everything else, this week is really bland. It appears that everyone else I know has midterms, yet I do not. Not that this is something to complain about, because it isn’t :). My exams are all fairly scattered and my papers are every other week however enc conferences were this week so we don’t have classes. In other words, not enough for me to worry about = bored. I made out decently at work this weekend and i’m working Saturday this week so there’s an extra day of $. Good stuff. have to make it back anyways after splurging.
Anywho i’m really sick of writing actually after the past two weeks so i’m going to stop here. I’ll probably do a photo blog or something of that sort as my next post, at least until something interesting happens.
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being a college student
Makes you realize the beauty of the many simple things. Such as food delivery.
It’s almost here and i’m starving O_O. shall edit this later.
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eh so
today I feel...
Ash and I ended up going to his place last night just because I was really stressed and honestly couldn’t handle being home for whatever reason. To begin with, I was still feeling funny and I couldn’t really muster up any kind of appetite so that sucked, that and I had to figure out the introduction for my ENC revision project- never fun to do when you’re not feeling well. So needless to say, we ended up ordering Papa Johns buffalo wings and chicken strips..and that was dinner. Mad healthy right? Well uhm I did throw in an apple at the end so SUPER! I ended up finishing my intro draft, printing everything out and then I believe we managed to be in bed by midnight. I’m really glad we got to go to his place last night. We practically live together. It’s actually his mom’s place but she travels a lot so him and I usually end up just staying there together most of the time, we get pretty comfortable. I feel a lot better mornings I wake up next to him and that held true for this morning. I felt pretty rested thankfully- yet still off. So due to shitty traffic (and maybe we left a BIT late :P) I barely made it to stats on time and of course when I get in there what am I faced with? We’ll call her J.
So I definitely make this out to be more dramatic then it is but for purposes of blogging- why not? I mean you read this bullshit to entertain yourself, obviously. Or out of boredom. Or you may even be creepy? ha- ew. WELL in any case J is this chick i’ve known since first semester. We’re “acquaintances” but for whatever reason (maybe because she tries to make friends, like most people do, wow) she keeps making attempts at inviting me out to other places. Now i’ve really tried to bring myself out of my antisocial funk. REALLY. but the people I keep meeting just don’t seem worth it. They’re either all acting as if they’re still in high school, or they’re just not the kind of people i’d care to really associate with. That and there’s just some people you don’t hit it off with, and no offense to her- shes one of them.
So anyways I’ve been sucked into sitting next to her every class (because she saves me a seat…once again don’t know why) and that’s whatever because I guess I could use a seat sure but she kinda bothers me. Certain things she does and says exemplifies what I don’t like in girls and why I don’t have many girl friends.SO to simplify this for you, as I am rambling already , I have prepared a list
THE “What Ava does not like in girls” List
1. Grabby chicks. You know, you walk into class, put your sunglasses on the table while you’re searching for your case, grabby chick grabs them and puts them on. My issue? back the fuck off my shit. Oh they’re hurting your eyes? maybe because they’re prescription HUR DUR. next,
2. Chicks who think it’s alright to casually call you a bitch. If you’re like ” mah girl” or whatever, this is fine. You’re my bitch, i’m your hoe. Otherwise, don’t joke around about me being a bitch. Yes, I took my highlighter back from you, why call me bitch? we’re not close enough where we can have skank name wars. stfu.
3. Chicks who take and use your stuff without asking. This goes for people in general I suppose, but since I already hate chicks It goes TEN TIMES AS HARD. Don’t take the highlighter that I was just using to highlight my sociology notes and start coloring in the wings of your paper airplane with it. I take my highlighters seriously. They are expensive, difficult to maintain, and I use them frequently for things of importance. OH and the sticky page tab notes that come in my highlighter? It’s not cool to just rip one off and put one on your plane. I will steal it back and put it in my planner. If you respond by calling me a bitch, I will deem you officially a waste of my time and will make no further attempts to even pretend I like or want to hang out with you.
YES that happened today. NEXT.
4.Chicks who say “Well my major is ____ but really, I just want to be a housewife”. K SO AWESOME, glad you’re taking up the oxygen in college classrooms when your biggest aspiration is to leech off of some guy and bare his “eversoprecious” children. I’m sorry ladies I think we’ve made progress enough in the world where we can aspire to more than just being a housewife. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a family, loving kids, or wanting to take care of your husband. NOTHING. but it shouldn’t be like your life dream, imo. There’s a better way to contribute to the world than having more of yourself walking it.
5. Chicks who play with their gum. This is self explanatory. Are we twelve or something? Chew your gum, don’t take it out of your mouth, twirl it, put it back in OH! and then grab my highlighter. Awesome. being insanely germ anal as I am I now have to use my santizer to de-germ my highlighter thatyouweren’tevensupposedtobetouching. We wonder why everyones so fucking afraid of a pandemic happening. Newsflash: it’s because people don’t wash their hands or respect one anothers personal space. It’s really simple as that. If you’re coughing up blood, stay home.
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So Stats went alright, as good as it could go when you can’t understand the professor. So I moved on to English and that was nothing really worth mentioning. The red death was there to greet me today and it has only worsened my mood. I need a milkshake. Someone give me a milkshake. Please.
Anthropology, which is a drag because it feels rather like a high school class (she’ll literally come up behind you to make sure whatever you’re doing is only related to her lecture and then threaten to take your name down and throw you out if its not) and although attendance isn’t mandatory I feel obligated to go, as if you don’t show up she threatens to not send you the study guide. Being as no one actually reads the book (at least that’s the vibe i’ve gotten) it’s worth it to show up if it means i’ll end up passing in the end.
After that I ended up going for lunch with my ex boyfriend. For all intensive purposes we shall call him Y. Cool right? Y is a good letter. Because I honestly don’t know Y I dated him
ha…
._.
no he’s not a terrible guy. I can’t really damn him. We just didn’t work in any case. Oh and he’s kinda weird. yeah. We had an ok lunch and some ok conversation. He’s pretty much the only person I know who still keeps in contact with a lot of the old high school friends so it’s nice to hear what’s been going on from time to time. The only thing that sucked is that our hang out sessions ended like they usually do, with him wanting to see my mom.
Just to fill you in, my parents pretty much loved my ex, and they still do. I think. At least, every time I call them out on it they refuse to admit it , but I know they do. It’s nauseating. So, because i’m getting sick of typing and to make a long story short, my mother and I are now at war because every time Y is over she attempts to gang up on me with him (always over something stupid about myself, you know stupid flaws) and I ended up crying and shit while he was here. So great, vulnerable looking in front of Y. Fighting with my mom, and then when he left I was still miserable. What ever I give up. I need to move on and just realize that it’s always going to happen and I can’t control what my mom thinks of me or the fact that I can’t really talk to Y anymore like I used to. You lose some you win some.
This makes me want to ask however, if anyone actually ends up reading this:
Have you ever found that your family “holds” onto a past relationship of yours more than you do?
I’m not expecting a response but I guess it would be cool if someone could relate.
bye.
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blindfoldyourmouth. 